The Game (Part Seven)

.. She says hie back but the depth of the conversation we had with our eyes far outweighed the pleasantries being dispatched from our lips..I know I'm meant to apologise but everytime I try to swallow my pride it gets stuck at my throat and blocks my words,, she doesn't hold back hers.. "Why didn't you call me after we spent the night together?  Why didn't you think I was worth it? Why didn't you consider my feelings? Was I not good in bed? Was sex all you were after? And who was that girl in the club?  Have you had a girlfriend all along? You saw me when I walked in why didn't you greet me? " At this time I could feel the pain in her voice, choking her as she continued to attempt to speak........ " I cared"  the only words I  could let out of my mouth.. Before my emotions, emotions I had felt building for over ten years, emotions I had never visited because like an old relative I knew they would keep me for longer than necessary, emotions I never touched because much like Jesus's robe I knew one touch could change me forever, emotions I tried not to look at because even Stevie wonder couldn't avoid them, emotions I hadn't smelled because some scents don't wear off.. I hear that the less you use your senses the more likely you are to highten the others.. So these emotions I tried not to acknowledge were felt  at the core of my soul, the lava had been bubbling for years never reaching the surface until... Eruption....... "You think I didn't care? All I did was care! But life already taught me that I should keep a healthy distance between what I feel and what I express because iv expressed myself before, exposed my heart before, and they stepped on it, I tried to stick to loving them but got washed off like an old piece of gum, I wanted to call you, but have you seen yourself? Girls that look as good as you may give a guy like me a chance for the night but would rather give a guy with money the opportunity to have  them for a lifetime.  I'm not saying you're a hoe, I'm just aware of the type of brothers you dig, I'm also aware of the fact that the modern female's hymnal begins and ends with instant financial security, hardwork and love left the building and were never missed, so you call me a player because I've found a way to survive your game, you think I didn't fall in love with you? You're foolish to believe that,, but you're also foolish to believe that after what women have put me through, I'd prioritise love over self preservation.. "

The Game (Part Six)

My ears are still buzzing, the music was deafening but I heard her loud and clear . She was with her brother... Her brother.. Damn!  I should have spoken to her first before I gave in to my thirst.. The sight of her tears is still drowning my conscience in  deep seas of regret.. Do I walk back in? Tell her im sorry and ask her to let me back into her heart? What if my access is denied and the bar counter isn't high enough for my ego to hide but I know it's low enough for a shot glass to slide into my hand and a jaeger into my mouth, I hate the taste, it's like cough syrup but if I lose the only chance iv got at happiness, jaeger might be the only anecdote or rather temporary suppressor of pain, getting drunk till I can find my feet again.. Going home is always an option, but I only quit when I'm ahead not when I'm low and ashamed.. My head stays buzzing and I start realising that the real headache has been caused by my insecurities.. The soles below lucifer's feet, that's how low iv been.. Making women who had nothing to do with my pain pay for mistakes they never  made and breaking their hearts before their intentions were weighed according to their individual characters.. Iv designated a blanket judgement to an entire gender,,  now I'm cold and my prejudice and cruelty have given the edges of my heart frost bite throughout every winter ..

I think il call a taxi, the damage is done.. "Tate, take me to Academia"  He replies "It's 20 dollar"  he is too lazy to pluralize such a simple word, and I'm too tired to argue the price...

There is a knock on my window, it is immediately serenaded by my taxi driver sucking his teeth " Og, you young people,  where are you going? " He's says this as he lowers the window, he thinks it's a customer, but I know better..  " Sorry Tate, here is 10 dollars for your trouble, il be staying " I step out of the car and there she  is, in front of me every time I want to put us behind me..   " Hie Michelle.....

The Game (Part Five)

The music is loud but I hear my heart beat louder, shot glasses hit the table moral decay in the air as girls drop down to the floor, egos attached to dollar bills and car keys, stumbling for the drunkards red eyes for the druggies, in the club and today I'm one of them, sharks waiting and scheming as they lurk, ready to say anything for the thirst..Ima make my way to the counter, it's feeling like a jack and coke day, after which I will position myself so I can view all prey, pray for the day my game fades away, pray pray and pray  away but that day is not today.. The  club doors reminding me of the promise of heaven from the outside,a paradise inaccessible yet tales of it are passed on from generation to generation,, but this isn't heaven, no streets of gold just bracelets that jingle to the chant of lust.. As I focus on the door I see her enter, Michelle, the only word my mind can think of and my heart beat springs off its syllables as the name is echoed through my system.. She is with a man and he has his arm over her shoulder.. the sound of my heart breaking condones my choice to never call her, then almost like she is feeling my vibe we connect on the same network,eye contact.. her eyes meet mine and I have amnesia of how my legs work, overboiled pasta below my waist so I turn away and grab another girl on the waist as we grind and grind till our self control is well shredded, she turns around I kiss her, my lips keep moving but my heart isn't present, an arm descends on my shoulder, I know the scent from the times I would hold her I turn around and all I see is mascara infused tears looking like an oil spill flowing into niagra, my BP shoots up , I'm the one meant to be hurt, how she telling me I should have known her worth, how she wanted to be with me only to find out that I was just like the others, my voice rises above hers as a reflection of my attitude towards  double standards... "How are you telling me you gave me your heart when you just walked in with another lover"........ Like the end of a rainy night her tears slowed down and were wiped away, no petrichor as her sniffles slowly but surely died down        .....

"Another lover?  I walked in with my brother ".........

                        THE END.

The Game (Part Four)

It's been a couple of days, my fingers tremble over the dial pad starting to notice the lines separating the numbers magnified like trenches and the call button is no man's land ,I start to zoom in on my hands reminiscing of the moments hers traced my body as she drew a map on back whilst her lips where GPS finding the right places, to clear my head I start pacing and wondering what I'd be saying if I searched and found the courage to call her,shit, why bother, I can imagine her shaq'd up with a baller, if I give her love she'll trade it in for whatever he bought her, so keep texting babygirl keep texting away, but I ain't giving you love when I know you'll throw it away,,

Like a boomerang the emotions I try detach myself from return every time I try throw them away, can't indentify what I'm feeling, catching feelings she says she miss me I know I miss her but if I give it a shot I know il miss her.. then it's just me with a broken heart,so if all men are dogs let a nigga  play his part,rather be a pitbull than lose my balance and fall into that pit boo, love, can't let it get too close,when you start calling her boo then these females turn ghost..    

Time to hit the club and leave my emotions at home, get drunk get stoned and bring another one home, type of beauty to wipe away memories of the goddess I met when I see her, No church in the wild,the  survivors are none believers..

The Game (Part Three)

Look at her walking into the restaurant like she owns the place, so confident with those sexy curves but iv got a keep a straight face, even though her structure got a brother all startled, her body looking like this pinot noir bottle, let me pull her chair it's essential to be a gentleman, I'm tryna stand out and not come through like I'm any man,, "You look beautiful, and that smile is priceless" Time to sell dreams, but first let me see what her price is.. "Are you feeling better since our last conversation?"  She say yes and you helped put a smile on my face again,, 2hours in and we haven't had a moment of silence I'm listening and she loving every word I'm saying, girl knows how to hold a conversation,  got me thinking that this one might be worth saving,, she got me smiling like a gadamn idiot, gota reign it in though, she a couple drinks in its time to show some of the skills I got.. 

 "You say you don't have a man, because you can't stand these players, you give em love but all they display is their lust, I get you but I feel like you're being unfair, expecting a brother to approach you like your beauty ain't there, but I should make this clear, I understand where you coming from, it's a jungle out there and niggas wana feast then dissappear, but now I'm tryna make your trust in men reappear, so that when you're feeling down on an Emily sande/Sunday you'll find me right next to you like Jay and Beyoncé " I know the things I'm saying may sound a lil  corny, but if her hearts a field I'ma reap these lines, go figure.. She say I don't trust you, you saying this because I'm tipsy and you tryna take me home.. "Yea, but I'm taking you to yours, we can have coffee then you can show me the door"

{5am}  yea boi! a nigga just hit it, let me leave now, ain't tryna love a girl that give it up this easy...

The Game (Part Two)

0813258964... She gave me her number, now I gota go home and configure a game plan to get her under the covers, what if she wants us to be lovers? Nah these girls love money more than  they can possibly love us, so i'ma play the game until she's mine, but if she get emotional I'm throwing peace signs.. {9pm} okay the phone is ringing  what do I say? I should tell her she's been on my mind, wait women like a man who listens "hello, how was your day?" She said her day was pretty bad her boss don't respect her, she say that's the song he keeps singing soon he will probably eject her, then who gon employ her, if she lose her job she might need to marry a baller.. "girl relax stop making me laugh, and if you want a baller will you give me a cut when you leave him with half?" I'm glad I just just made her laugh, see women like a sense of your humour, if I continue il stay on her mind like a tumor.. "I'm sure he just frustrated that his wife ain't as hot as you, if I was him id probably wana fire you too, but I don't have a wife, which means I have some time on my hands, I'm also hoping you haven't got any plans,see you have some things you want to talk about and I'm a good listener, so I'm hoping you'll let me take you out to dinner... "

The Game (Part One)

He sees her. Her round curves throw curve balls at his value system, she isn't tryna make him lose himself but he has already lost himself in the rhythm of her hips,, she's late for work and keeps thinking about how to  stay relevant as a woman in a man's world, he knows his job is safe so all he can think of is how she looks like she should be this man's girl,he thinks she shouldn't be alone walking around with a behind like that, knowing brothers like me are walking behind her back, let me station myself beside her rack, tell her she looks beautiful and pray she smiles right back, "Excuse me umm hie I'm Jack...... oh your name is Michelle? In that case I'm Barrack".. Oh damn she smiled, phew that line was corny though, focus.." So where you work? A bank? I hope they don't make you stand all day because then I'd expect them to raise your pay, and I'm surprised you know how to walk in heels when some women don't know where to start,watching you is like watching an everyday activity turn into an art, now I don't wana bore you with my observations, so  if it's fine  can you give me your number so I can save it call you later then continue this conversation.........    "