Lessons I learnt from Ayrton Senna.

On Ayrton Senna " No one tried harder or pushed himself further, nor did anyone shed so much light on the extremes to which only the greatest drivers go. Intensely introspective and passionate in the extreme, Ayrton Senna endlessly sought to extend his limits, to go faster than himself"
- Gerald Donaldson

The great Brazilian Formula 1 Champion, a king .

The importance of self belief was made clear from the very beginning of his career, he wanted to be the best at what he did and to achieve that he knew that he had to push himself, he had to challenge his limits. He demanded perfection from himself every time he sat in a race car  and especially at times perfection was not expected of him. His goal was to race, to race well without restraint and to win. His achievements? Inspiring a nation that needed hope, raising millions of children he had never met to aspire to be the best version of themselves and challenging our ideas of what it takes to be the greatest.

When it rained and other drivers saw nothing but an obstacle, he saw an opportunity to really display his gift. It's no wonder his life story inspires every fibre of my being. You cannot aspire to be at the mountain top if you don't prepare yourself everyday to be able to flourish in a blizzard.

Watching the documentary of his life 'Senna'  reminded me that we are all living by false standards. We have allowed the world to tell us that it's okay to be average, it's okay not to be the best, you shouldn't over work yourself even if you are doing something that you love. Absolute nonsense, trash. Senna taught me that if you want something bad enough, you devote every waking moment to it, you do not compromise on the standard you want to operate on, you do not allow anything to come in your way and most importantly, you are relentless in the pursuit of your dreams right until your last breath.

He taught me this. He died over 20 years ago and he taught me this. Like him, I want to inspire people beyond my last breath , I refuse to be sucked into this dark abyss that has trapped billions of human beings and stripped them of the right to immortality - mediocrity.

During one of his races he reached such a high level of functioning that it was almost like he was no longer in control, he won that race and proceeded to say he saw God. Senna died at the age of 34 in a race car doing what he loved on the track, and this was my only way of seeing it - this time, he met God.

Ayrton Senna

21 March 1960 - 1 May 1994.

Servants

Blog number two. I love being a vessel, I love writing and helping people, I love being a servant.

See most of us artists have forgotten our purpose on earth, to serve mankind. Our egos have grown since we allowed vanity to take root. These talents God gave us (Yes I believe that)  are not our own, they never have been. Our purpose is to speak to the people, to speak for the people. Our work lives forever so every time we perform or display it, it's not just for the audience in attendance, it's for generations to come. We influence the future's perception of our time, the decisions they make based on the goodness and beauty they saw in us and the paths to avoid when we were bad and ugly. We are the voices for the weird, the different, the down trodden and disadvantaged. We are the adhesive a girl uses to put her heart back together, the lash on the backs of sexists, the ones teaching young black boys the importance of self worth and knowing their history, we choke corporations with their ties when they want to squash us beneath their greed, we draw out and pierce the lying tongues of politicians when they forget who gave them power.

We are servants. Serving mankind till the last brush stroke, the last word, the last movement.

Your New Year(according to me)

New year, new possibilities, new opportunities to become the person you have always wanted to be.. I've never been against resolutions, I love the idea, even though I don't like the idea of waiting for the new year for you to start considering reformation (Yes I used the word idea twice, as long as you get the idea)

So for those of you who haven't penned some down here are a few that I'm suggesting completely out of a sense of self righteousness, a pedestal I quite frankly shouldn't climb even if I had the privilege of being Jay-Z at the edge of Beyonce's bed (Or Sascha Fierce's bed, who knows what they're into? No really, if you know my email address is ashwyntheperformer@gmail.com)  but still.. the point is I shouldn't be on this pedestal but I am for now, so let's get on with it..

1. The Xenophobic : Stop it. It looks ridiculous running in the streets burning tires and attacking people when we can watch AKA and Cassper Nyovest reenact a watered down version of the Nas and Jay-Z beef if it was over the right to massage Taylor Swift's feet.

2. Taylor Swift fans : Stop it.  We just let Justin Beiber in, don't ruin it for everybody, Arianna Grande has beeen waiting in line.

3. Fvck Boys : I don't not condone the use of this term but I do have a problem with men who think a woman's heart is their box of toys which they can mess up and only pay attention to when you're bored. So umm, fvck boys . Stop it.

4. Dem Girls. You know dem? Tell you the importance of commitment while planning to be as committed as Chloe Kardashian is to one facial expression .

5. Anyone who says they don't see colour : How? Even not seeing colour leaves just Black and white.. Black people have centuries of hurt to get over AT THEIR OWN TIME  and positive images to build for the young ones, unity IS the KEY, WE SHOULD LIVE PEACEFULLY AND WITH LOVE FOR EVERY HUMAN.. But that's not a reason to forfeit one's identity.

6. Any man who wears white socks with a black suit : Stop it.

7. Sexists : You have sisters and mothers who raised you, would you want to see them being treated as an inferior human being by any man? No! So stop trying to make people's sisters, daughter's  and mothers submit to you. It's simple.

8. Me : I should probably stop telling people what to do with their lives, this was the first time though so I still  hope you enjoyed it. It was special to me.....*insert awkward silence here*

I'll call tomorrow..

Promise....

Happy 2016.

The Game (Part Eight)

How many hearts have walked these streets alone, stood at the traffic lights too long tryna figure out whether to wait for the right time to cross or just the right car to drive by. I hear fresh leather Mercedes seats have got a way of making you forget the Bob Marleys and their single beds, but then again brothers with machines have mechanical hearts, locked up in safes whose combinations are known only by their pursuit of pleasure because the codes match the numbers on their bank statements. Across the street we have the other guy, all he has is potential, but begging for other women to see it from the other end makes him look like the actual beggar on streets asking for "just 5cents please" because their common  sense says he is broke like the next bloke "what I see is what you get."So who is crossing, who is willing to discover what's on the other side and if they feel they can will the traffic lights be green , I heard the wise man say there's a time for everything but love isn't an event it's a way of life, so some try cross  but not everyone arrives alive because life isn't for everybody everytime. But despite all of this here we are, right  in the centre controlling traffic, the girls who think I'm sexy but it's only because I'm next to a woman as beautiful as you and something about possessing what another has entices them, the guys throwing punch lines at your heart hoping you catch one and it could make you reconsider standing next to that regular nigger.Still we are here, controlling traffic.
"How long do you think we will last?" Where did that come from?  "Michelle, I don't know, but aslong as we can last I suppose". I watch her face change its structural form not like a butterfly morphing, more like a female hulk turning green. "So you're saying you don't know if we will last? ". I can tell where this is going, but I go anyway "How can we tell? We shouldn't think about these things so soon in a relationship". Then I heard it, the Spartan's battle cry , the Zulu's battle drum.. I see fire. "You're telling me after all we have been through, you're not sure of us? You're not sure of me? How are you talking like we have an expiry date? Are you just another broken promise waiting to happen? Fuck! You really are just like the rest." I felt it inside me, that feeling when your heart and your mind instantly go to war and both generals are missing so it's going to be chaos. Without warning, as we stood in the centre of the traffic we were controlling( I say were because our hands were now being used for pointing fingers) .... we got hit by our first car....

I CAN STILL DANCE WITH MY FATHER

April fourth 1959 God created a man in his own image a king whose royalty flows through my blood, strong man but still got enough affection to give his young Prince a hug whenever he feels like the world is applying too much pressure and we gon conquer the world together, and when you're not strong enough ima hold it up for you like it's whatever, like it's whatever because whatever I do is for you , to see you wear those Italian suits in your Italian car with your Italian watch driving to your Italian villa, this doesn't mean I don't want to see you stunt in Africa I just want you to go to Rome so they can remember Caesar,, mama never had a caesarian section gave birth to the pride of your existence but when she left us both our hearts lost a big part of their functioning section but we know soon we will see our Monalisa taking selfies with  Monalisa in heaven,you know how beauty flocks together, but right now you and I are birds of a feather, daddy we gon fly from the presence of our enemies, you know your son is a star that's why you named me Ashwyn and ima steal  some constellations to light up your garden at night, we left so much behind but I promise we will be all right.. But for tonight lets go out and find a spot just for us, some good music maybe something you used to vibe to in your youth with my mother, because I just wana appreciate the fact that I can still dance with my father.. When  I broke my toe you joked that I should cut it off and honestly I considered it, I'm out here walking in the valley how am I gon dodge the shadow of death if my legs aren't fit, but who needs fitness when iv witnessed the power of your prayer over my life, so I hustle on ima strive to be worthy of the throne you built for me, it's made of wood because every lesson you gave me got me feeling like how Jesus must have felt learning carpentry from Joseph, and we know  I may never marry a virgin Mary because they just don't make those anymore but I promise she gon be someone you'll be proud of, walking through the hospital floors holding your newborn grandchild, we gon live forever daddy, we gon live forever.. And he gon learn  how to be brave  from his Namibian mother, and when we are in Zimbabwe  he gon Dance with me and my father,.. And if you're too old to move we gon do it for you, do you see the world I wana create for you? You created me so ima keep walking this earth creatively and just like you I ain't gon give em my jewels for free because being in the presence of royalty ain't cheap and when the money heap up ima bring it to you like "daddy they tried but they couldn't keep up" you'll probably remind me that money dont matter all we need is love and I love you for that. Tonderai Mberi your name means remember what is ahead and I need you to do that for me, remember the future il create for us and if I ain't working enough I swear ima work harder, and when the day is done ima play some music  we can vibe to because I can still dance with my father. I love you.

The Game (Part Seven)

.. She says hie back but the depth of the conversation we had with our eyes far outweighed the pleasantries being dispatched from our lips..I know I'm meant to apologise but everytime I try to swallow my pride it gets stuck at my throat and blocks my words,, she doesn't hold back hers.. "Why didn't you call me after we spent the night together?  Why didn't you think I was worth it? Why didn't you consider my feelings? Was I not good in bed? Was sex all you were after? And who was that girl in the club?  Have you had a girlfriend all along? You saw me when I walked in why didn't you greet me? " At this time I could feel the pain in her voice, choking her as she continued to attempt to speak........ " I cared"  the only words I  could let out of my mouth.. Before my emotions, emotions I had felt building for over ten years, emotions I had never visited because like an old relative I knew they would keep me for longer than necessary, emotions I never touched because much like Jesus's robe I knew one touch could change me forever, emotions I tried not to look at because even Stevie wonder couldn't avoid them, emotions I hadn't smelled because some scents don't wear off.. I hear that the less you use your senses the more likely you are to highten the others.. So these emotions I tried not to acknowledge were felt  at the core of my soul, the lava had been bubbling for years never reaching the surface until... Eruption....... "You think I didn't care? All I did was care! But life already taught me that I should keep a healthy distance between what I feel and what I express because iv expressed myself before, exposed my heart before, and they stepped on it, I tried to stick to loving them but got washed off like an old piece of gum, I wanted to call you, but have you seen yourself? Girls that look as good as you may give a guy like me a chance for the night but would rather give a guy with money the opportunity to have  them for a lifetime.  I'm not saying you're a hoe, I'm just aware of the type of brothers you dig, I'm also aware of the fact that the modern female's hymnal begins and ends with instant financial security, hardwork and love left the building and were never missed, so you call me a player because I've found a way to survive your game, you think I didn't fall in love with you? You're foolish to believe that,, but you're also foolish to believe that after what women have put me through, I'd prioritise love over self preservation.. "

The Game (Part Six)

My ears are still buzzing, the music was deafening but I heard her loud and clear . She was with her brother... Her brother.. Damn!  I should have spoken to her first before I gave in to my thirst.. The sight of her tears is still drowning my conscience in  deep seas of regret.. Do I walk back in? Tell her im sorry and ask her to let me back into her heart? What if my access is denied and the bar counter isn't high enough for my ego to hide but I know it's low enough for a shot glass to slide into my hand and a jaeger into my mouth, I hate the taste, it's like cough syrup but if I lose the only chance iv got at happiness, jaeger might be the only anecdote or rather temporary suppressor of pain, getting drunk till I can find my feet again.. Going home is always an option, but I only quit when I'm ahead not when I'm low and ashamed.. My head stays buzzing and I start realising that the real headache has been caused by my insecurities.. The soles below lucifer's feet, that's how low iv been.. Making women who had nothing to do with my pain pay for mistakes they never  made and breaking their hearts before their intentions were weighed according to their individual characters.. Iv designated a blanket judgement to an entire gender,,  now I'm cold and my prejudice and cruelty have given the edges of my heart frost bite throughout every winter ..

I think il call a taxi, the damage is done.. "Tate, take me to Academia"  He replies "It's 20 dollar"  he is too lazy to pluralize such a simple word, and I'm too tired to argue the price...

There is a knock on my window, it is immediately serenaded by my taxi driver sucking his teeth " Og, you young people,  where are you going? " He's says this as he lowers the window, he thinks it's a customer, but I know better..  " Sorry Tate, here is 10 dollars for your trouble, il be staying " I step out of the car and there she  is, in front of me every time I want to put us behind me..   " Hie Michelle.....